Helen Neal O'Connell's Story of Losing and Finding Her Son
A Story That Covers over 32 Years
As
you may or may not know, I had a baby in March of 1967. I was unmarried, and my parents thought it best for me to
give it up for adoption. I was very naive and stupid back then.
I just wanted guys to like me, so I went along with everything they
wanted to do.
Drink,
smoke pot, and yes, have sex - I
basically did what everyone was doing those days.
I went out with just about any cute guy who asked me, whether I knew
anything about them or not. Some, I
didn't even know their names.
Just
to put it to rest, there were three guys I was with around the time of
conception, which was sometime in June. When I found out I was pregnant, I
called all three of them and, not knowing how to bring it up tactfully, I just
blurted it out. They all told me some story about how it couldn't be them, and I
never heard from any of them again. End of that.
My
parents were too embarrassed about my pregnancy for me to stay at home, so my
sister let me live with her until the baby was born.
I
was working at a company on the downtown Circle.
After January, I was seven months along and I began wearing maternity
clothes. I shocked everyone there, because I didn't tell them I was pregnant.
They fired me. No surprise.
I Lose My Son
When
the time came for the birth of my baby, I had a very nice lady attorney who was
looking for a couple to adopt him. She
assured me they would be a loving couple. I wasn't allowed to see the baby, so
they put me to sleep. My sister had
a girlfriend who was a nurse at the hospital, and she came to see me and told me
it was a beautiful baby boy. I cried because I couldn't see him.
The
girl who shared a room with me (I can't remember why she was there) told me she
knew where the nursery was, and she offered to take me to see my baby. I was so
excited!
We
went to the nursery where you look through the window to see all the babies.
Before I found my son, a nurse came up and started asking questions.
When she found out I was giving him up for adoption, she made me go back
to my room. I wasn't allowed to see
him. I cried.
My
attorney came several times during my stay there for me to sign papers, each
time reassuring me everything was going to be ok, and that it was the right
thing to do. She found a nice couple for the baby, and they came and took him. I
asked her if they liked him, and she said they loved him. I cried. She said to
just think of it as coming in for the flu or stomach ache and everything is all
better now.
Well,
it didn't get any better for me because I
cried myself to sleep for the next 2 years.
I can't remember when I actually began my search for my birth son, but I
kept thinking that some day I would find him and hoped that he would find me and
everything would be all right.
I Search For My Son
I
had help from an organization called ALMA.
It’s an organization that helps birth parents and birth children find
each other. They gave me guidelines to go by and forms to send to different
places for answers. I was on the internet doing some research, also.
I
was getting frustrated. Everyone was telling me that all the birth records and
adoption records were sealed, and the only way I could get any information was
if permission was given by my son, or the adoptive mother, or the birth father.
Well, the birth father was out, and I didn't know my birth son's name or
his adoptive mother. So, I cried
again.
My Son's Girlfriend Finds Me
Then,
one day in the summer of 1999, I received a letter from a girl in Indianapolis.
Curious, I opened it up and began reading it.
She said she may know who my birth son is.
She
gave me all the information that I had put up on line and then some.
My heart began racing like crazy. It
must have been some kind of cruel joke. I was getting mad and confused.
She included her phone number if I wanted to call her. I decided to just not do anything about it, but kept the
letter.
Some
time went by, and I thought more and more about it. I decided to just call her and see what she had to say.
I could tell from her voice she was shocked to hear from me.
She verified what she said in the letter and I confirmed that everything
she told me was true.
She
identified herself as my birth son's girlfriend, Dee Dee, and that she was
trying to find me for him and that he was right there with her!
I couldn't believe my luck! She
introduced me to him, and then him to me. His
name is Brad. The way she did it
was so gracefully done, it was really touching.
After talking with him on the phone, I found out that he didn't even know that she was searching for me, but he had known all along that he was adopted. Ok, so he wasn't looking for me, which was a little disappointing, so, I just figured he was happy with his life the way it was. We talked for a long while and exchanged numbers and we called each other several times after that.
I Finally Meet My Son - After Over 32 Years
Then
we made arrangements to meet on Thanksgiving Day at my sister's house.
I gave him Barb's number so they could talk and make arrangements to meet
each other before I got there. Then I flew down from Detroit to Indianapolis to
meet him. I was so nervous. I
kept asking my sister, “What should I wear? Do I look alright?”
Then came the knock on the door.
After
hearing the knock at the door, I grabbed my stomach to try to calm the
butterflies flitting around. I
hesitated, thinking that Barb was going to answer the door, but she said, “Go
answer the door!” So, with my
sister behind me with a camera, I went to the door, took a deep breath, exhaled
slowly, and opened it.
There
standing in front of me, filling the doorway, was the most stunning looking man
I had ever seen. You've heard the phrase, “Tall, Dark and Handsome,” well,
he was that and then some! Dee Dee
told me on the phone that he was just downright gorgeous....she was right!
He
said, “Hi! I'm Brad,” as he extended his hand. I said, “I'm Helen.”
I took his hand in mine, and then we hugged and then just stood there
looking at each other with huge smiles on our faces.
I think I said something about how tall and handsome he was.
The
next few minutes were just a blur, but we did come all the way in.
Dee was behind him taking pictures or video, I think, while Barb was
snapping pictures as well.
We
all went into the living room and got acquainted.
We found out that we had several likes and dislikes in common. As we sat
there talking, Dee pointed out that we both sat there with our legs crossed, and
we were swinging our feet, at the same time.
He
told me that he had been married and has a son, but was divorced now. His son,
Tyler, lives with his mother, but visits him frequently. Just before they left,
he told me that I was going to meet his son, and his adoptive parents at their
house, the next day, for dinner. Talk
about being nervous!
After
they left, I must have been in shock or something.
I kept thinking to myself if this was real. Is he really my son?
Is this some sort of scam? But
everything checked out, all the facts were true.
I still needed some sort of proof, though I didn't say anything.
I Meet My Son's Adoptive Parents, and My Grandson
The
next day came, and Barb and Dave and I drove to his parents' house. I had bought
a bouquet of flowers to give his mom when we got there.
After the introductions were made, I gave her the flowers and she gave me
a big hug. Brad was not there yet,
so we all chatted in the living room while we waited for him, Dee, and Tyler to
arrive.
I Have My Proof
When
they did arrive, we began talking about when he was born. She told me that she remembered what the lady lawyer told her
what I asked her, 'Do they like him?' And that was the proof I was waiting for.
I just burst into tears, knowing now for sure that he was my son.
An Amazing Coincidence
Once
everyone was there, we began talking about our childhood, and where we grew up.
Now this is almost unbelievable: When
I was a toddler, my family lived in a duplex on Randolph Street on the east side
of Indianapolis, just off English Avenue. Sam and Patty, Brad’s adoptive
parents, said they lived in that same exact house, us on one side, and they on
the other, but at different times in our lives. What a coincidence!
How often does something like that happen!
Several
times that evening, I just looked at Brad and then broke down and cried, I was
so happy. After dinner, we played cards, and some of the guys went outside and
threw a football around for a while. All
in all, I had a wonderful time and experience.
I Finally See the 32 Years' Worth of Pictures I Missed
Patty
even gave me a picture album of Brad that she had made up for me in advance.
I finally got to see him growing up, from the time he was a baby to the
present. I couldn't believe that
she did that for me!
We
still call each other and see each other when we can, and even keep in touch
through Facebook, which is awesome!
So, that is my story. I know I probably left out a lot of detail, but this is just basically what happened when we met. It has been the best experience of my life, meeting my son for the first time!